Two, three, one, go!

Doing things in a logical order isn't always my strength. It shows up in the little things--forgetting to lay out my towel before my shower, so I have to drip all over the bathroom before drying off. Adopting a puppy two weeks after we put in the new carpet. Cutting my hair off two days before the wedding, so no gorgeous up-do for me. Starting a can't-put-it-down novel early in the day, blowing any chance of a productive morning. Filling the gas tank at the end of my list of errands, so I travel from store to store on fumes. Checking the pantry for sugar after the cookie recipe is half-mixed in the bowl.

This pattern has shown up in some more impactful ways, like getting married before we graduated from college (i.e. choosing to live on mac and cheese in a cheap, rat-infested apartment for months. I guess you really can live on love!). Signing up my daughter for summer camp before I was sure she was emotionally prepared to go. Pitching a fit at my husband before giving him the chance to explain his side of the story. Taking on a second foster baby before my volunteering and book deadlines were complete. (Who needs sleep, right?)

Sometimes that's okay. It's great to be optimistic and open to new experiences. To be able to flex and change outside the limits of a rigid routine. To have a willing heart to drop everything and help when there's a need. To be a "yes" person in a negative world. But clearly, I need wisdom and balance before I jump into new situations without thinking. Especially when my choices might take my family for a ride they didn't ask to get on.

It occurred to me that God doesn't always seem logical either. I'll never understand how "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)  Shouldn't he have waited for me to beg for salvation before he made the way? Didn't he want to see some good effort on my own to get my act together, before he invited me into his family? Shouldn't I have been looking for him before he came looking for me?

No, he knew my name and had plans for me before he even made this world. He knew I would be weak and blind and lost. He proved his love by giving me Jesus before I even knew I needed him.

I'm sure I'll keep on doing things upside-down and backwards. Sometimes because I'm following my heart and sometimes because I'm loopy. But I trust in a God who always does things in the perfect way at the perfect time. I am loved.

A Happy Anniversary

Today marks 22 years of marriage to my best friend, Rob. I am truly loved. And that word, love, means so many things beyond romance and flowers and warm-fuzzy-feelings:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy,

it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude,

it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight

in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes,

always perseveres. Love never fails.

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

 

Rob is patient with the messes, mood swings, and mistakes he's had to put up with for all these years! He would have every right to be "rude" or "easily angered" when I've failed for the thousandth time. He doesn't store up a list of my weaknesses, ready to throw them in my face when I've disappointed him again.

 

Instead, he "always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres." He cheers me on, believing I can tackle that pile of work, write that book, lose that weight, overcome that ugly emotion, and be that person who God says I am in Christ. His optimism and confidence in me hang in there even when I'm giving up on myself.

 

Rob doesn't let "evil" and "envy" creep in and spoil our marriage. He's doesn't keep score of which of us has the most free time, who spent more money on new clothes, or who's better at this and that and the other thing. He keeps it clean with his language and humor and the type of entertainment we enjoy. He doesn't stare at other women or compare me to anyone else.

 

Finally, he protects me. He works hard to provide for my needs, guards my feelings, and holds me tight when life is overwhelming. He locks up the house before bed and makes sure my car's running right. He prays for me. He makes me feel safe.

 

I'm looking forward to celebrating our anniversary with a date and presents, cards and kisses. But I'm looking forward even more to what's ahead--more years of this beautiful, real-life love that he gives me every day.



You might not want to come over...

My girls and I have caught a sloppy, sneezy, achy winter cold. The vaporizer is misting and the asthma nebulizer is humming. I'm downing hot coffee and ibuprofen. My five senses are dropping off one by one--I can't hear because my ears are plugged, and we can't smell or taste much. Our house is just one big petri dish of germs.

It's probably best that Rob has an office to run to this week! It seemed somewhat of a miracle that he actually walked through the door last night, willing to face the hacking and sneezing and piles of Kleenex all over. If anything lets me see Jesus in my husband, it's being sick.

Rob did the dishes, took out the trash, picked up every toy, bathed the little guy and tucked him in. I woke up to blissfully clear countertops and floors. The trash cans are empty so there's room to throw away the thousands of tissues we're using today.

Best yet, he didn't seem to notice how not beautiful I was last night. He didn't mention the lack of makeup, the baggy eyes, or the bedhead hair. He let me get close enough for a few hugs. I wasn't kicked out of bed to go sleep with a coughing, sneezing daughter--he even let me put my icy feet on his to stay warm.

Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." (Mark 2:17) Just like Rob didn't run away from the girls and me in all our germy ickiness, but he drew close to care for us and show his love, Jesus doesn't turn away from us in our sin. Instead, he's drawn to the ones who need him the most. He is fully aware of the germs of rebellion and stubbornness in our hearts. He came into this world to be close to us--to be one of us--and bring us total healing.

Be well!