Two, three, one, go!

Doing things in a logical order isn't always my strength. It shows up in the little things--forgetting to lay out my towel before my shower, so I have to drip all over the bathroom before drying off. Adopting a puppy two weeks after we put in the new carpet. Cutting my hair off two days before the wedding, so no gorgeous up-do for me. Starting a can't-put-it-down novel early in the day, blowing any chance of a productive morning. Filling the gas tank at the end of my list of errands, so I travel from store to store on fumes. Checking the pantry for sugar after the cookie recipe is half-mixed in the bowl.

This pattern has shown up in some more impactful ways, like getting married before we graduated from college (i.e. choosing to live on mac and cheese in a cheap, rat-infested apartment for months. I guess you really can live on love!). Signing up my daughter for summer camp before I was sure she was emotionally prepared to go. Pitching a fit at my husband before giving him the chance to explain his side of the story. Taking on a second foster baby before my volunteering and book deadlines were complete. (Who needs sleep, right?)

Sometimes that's okay. It's great to be optimistic and open to new experiences. To be able to flex and change outside the limits of a rigid routine. To have a willing heart to drop everything and help when there's a need. To be a "yes" person in a negative world. But clearly, I need wisdom and balance before I jump into new situations without thinking. Especially when my choices might take my family for a ride they didn't ask to get on.

It occurred to me that God doesn't always seem logical either. I'll never understand how "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)  Shouldn't he have waited for me to beg for salvation before he made the way? Didn't he want to see some good effort on my own to get my act together, before he invited me into his family? Shouldn't I have been looking for him before he came looking for me?

No, he knew my name and had plans for me before he even made this world. He knew I would be weak and blind and lost. He proved his love by giving me Jesus before I even knew I needed him.

I'm sure I'll keep on doing things upside-down and backwards. Sometimes because I'm following my heart and sometimes because I'm loopy. But I trust in a God who always does things in the perfect way at the perfect time. I am loved.