At Easter our church creates a prayer garden where we can meditate on Christ's work on the cross. It has three stations, including a place to lay a memento down that symbolizes a burden being given over to the Lord. The opportunity to reflect, give thanks, and ask for help is powerful.
Last year, however, it was difficult to find joy. On the morning of Good Friday we sat through a court hearing for our foster son where the judge seemed determined to hedge us out of his life by any means possible. It seemed certain that he would be pulled from our home and our arms forever. I took our daughters to the prayer garden later that day. All I could do was sit and weep. My prayer was just that God would help me to accept His plan, even if it meant saying goodbye to our precious little boy. The girls each brought a tiny toy car to leave as a symbol of their prayers for their little brother.
Later that day, Rob went to the prayer garden alone. He's my calm, steady rock. But when he saw those little cars among the stones in the garden he was broken.
It has been a year since that painful, tearful Good Friday. We are in awe of all God has done since then. He turned the whole course of the case in a new direction, and now we're nearly through with the adoption process. Other circumstances knocked us down over the last year--there were days I wasn't sure if I would be able to function or even breathe. But God gave me what I needed to not just survive those days, but to overcome and thrive as He carried me through.
My heart feels the heavy weight of all that my friends and loved ones are dealing with right now. Whether it's sickness, lost jobs, a strained marriage, or painful separation from someone dear, so many of us are frustrated, hurting, and afraid. It does not mean that God has become distracted or turned his back. He loves on, and on, and on. When he says he's here, he means it. When he says "weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning," it will. When he says he doesn't waste our pain, he won't.
Anyone who's spent much time in church has heard that God keeps his promises. I needed this last hard year to begin to understand that he truly does. And I learned that it's through pain that I get to see my Hero. My Champion. My Healer, Rescuer, and Friend that sticks close. Whenever I have to give up something here in this world, it's a chance to get more of him. And he is better than anything I will ever lose.
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord
(Psalm 27:13-14)
Ah, yes, dear sister. Amen!
ReplyDeleteOur pain is nothing we would usually chose if it were up to us. But when we get to the other side, and when we recognize God's goodness and faithfulness we can truly say, "Thank You, Lord, for the hard times."
He uses everything, and I am grateful.
I remember that day. It hurt my heart to think about what you could lose - what HE could lose! I remember clearly wrestling with how that could possibly be God's plan for him. I'm so thankful for all he had done, even though my heart had been knotted with worry along the way.
ReplyDeleteI am so looking forward to the day we can celebrate that he is fully yours for all his days!